The Secret That Killed Me
by Winter Feather
Summary: "Can I tell you a secret?" "Sure thing." "I…like Jace." I couldn't reply to that. More like, I didn't know how. Should I tell her to get away from him because I got there first? Should I tell her I'm happy for her? Should I be a terrible friend and rant? Or should I be a good friend and bottle up my own emotions? Why would I do either of those things? Because I, too, like Jace.


**Hello! This here is my first fanfiction, so...I'm still learning! Enjoy the story!**

**The Secret That Killed Me**

It all started out with a text. A single text. A few words that I agreed to hear out. I agreed to it, so she gave it to me. I was looking forward to a nice, interesting present. And boy, was it interesting. Except it was more like she handed a bomb to me; a bomb wrapped nicely with colorful paper and a pretty ribbon. The explosion was huge. It messed up a lot of things. Nothing that anyone would see, just a friendship and my love life.

I still remember that day. It's forever engraved in my mind. Never to be forgotten…

I was about to murder my math textbook because of the annoyingly difficult problem it gave me when my phone lit up, saving my textbook just in time. I briefly glanced at my phone, planning to ignore it so I wouldn't be distracted from my homework. But when I saw who the text was from, homework became my last priority. From Aline Penhallow – the amazing smart, kind, and beautiful girl that I'd always admired; we were pretty close even though we didn't talk that much. I picked up my phone eagerly and read over the message.

_Aline: Hey Clary, um…can I tell you secret?_

Being the amazing friend I was, of course I'd hear her out.

_me: Sure thing._

Her reply was immediate.

_Aline: Well…you see…_

She paused a second there.

_Aline: Actually, try to guess the secret. If you get it right, I'll tell you._

That just made me really curious. I ran through my mind for ideas. What could it be?

_me: Alright…let's see. _

I possibility popped up in my head. I didn't want to say it for the fear that it would be right, but I said it anyways. I mean, Aline is the type of cool-headed girl who wouldn't be crazy over a boy, right? She doesn't care about that stuff. So I said it, completely dismissing the thought that she always talked about him.

_me: You like Jace Lightwood? :P_

It was meant to be a joke. But when she didn't reply immediately, I could tell something was up.

_Aline: What would you do if I told you you were right? _

_me: I would feel proud of my guessing skills. _

And possibly pull all my hair out.

_Aline: You're right._

The moment that message showed up on my screen was the moment the world froze in place. It was like the birds stopped chirping outside, the cars stopped moving, my mom stopped making noises in the kitchen, the clock stopped ticking, and my heart stopped beating. Not really, of course. But I do think my hearted skipped a beat or two. I had no idea how to reply to her text. Should I tell her I'm happy for her? That I'm shocked? That she should shove off because I was first? That we should start a war and the person he chooses wins? Why would I say that? Well, yup, you guessed it. I, too, have a crush and Jace Lightwood.

"I like him too, Aline." or "Wow, seriously? I never would have guessed! That's awesome!"

I didn't know which one to type to her.

My fingers hovered over the 'I' and the 'W', unsure which one to press. Eventually, I chose the latter. Our friendship was more important than some stupid crush of mine. I decided that maybe I would tell her later on, because I don't know how long I can bottle up these emotions. The cap will fly off sooner or later. Might as well be prepare and take off the cap yourself rather than have to fly off and surprise you by flying into your face.

me: Wow, seriously? I never would have guessed! That's awesome!

Aline: Heh, yeah. I never thought it'd be like this either…

From that day on, we shared tons of info we had about Jace. His teachers, his schedule, his siblings, where he lived, where he sat at lunch, his friends, his possible crush, and a bunch of other stuff. We were like a stalker duo. I kept my emotions controlled, pretending to not be _too _interested in the things she knew about him. She never questioned how I knew so much about him, just assumed that it was because we sat near each other before. Apparently she was rather jealous of me. My locker was near his because of our last names **(Clary Morgenstern) **and I got to sit near him multiple times before. When I think about it, my luck has been pretty good.

The thought that I should just give up came so many times. But every time I saw his smile, heard his laugh, listened to his humorous comments in class, I couldn't do it. Love doesn't end just like that. You don't give up that easily.

And to this day, I never told Aline either. Part of the reason was because of what she said to me one day. I had asked her what she would do if I told her I liked Jace too. She had a total mental breakdown, thinking that I actually did like Jace. But after I told her again and again in soothing tones, she calmed down and told me what she'd do. "Well, I wouldn't play the nice guy. I'd compete with you for him. I don't care if you're my friend, I'd fight you for him." Those words really made me question my actions. Maybe I shouldn't have been so nice. Maybe _I _should have started the war.

But, really. Where would that have gotten me? Our friendship probably would have gotten awkward and eventually end. And for that, I _might _get a chance with Jace. It wasn't worth it. In a way, it was better right now. Our friendship can still remain rather stable (but in my mind, it's a complete mess) and I can still watch Jace with all his awesomeness.

Therefore, I'm still living on. Pushing through each day of my life. All while knowing a secret that kills me.

**How was it? Please give me feedback if you liked it! Thanks a bunch :)**

**-Winter Feather**


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